President Donald J. Trump is Imperial Leather. Classic, Distinctive scent, Masculine, Strong, Good looking..and a little bit orange. For a discriminating buyer with good taste. Not overly popular. This soap is a winner and outlasts competitors. It has been around forever. Reminiscent of the British Empire and Royalty. This soap is surprisingly thrifty as it is not overly expensive and it is a good value for consumers who want to increase their purchasing power. It is a fair deal. It demands respect.
VP Mike Pence is Ivory soap. White, 99.44 % Pure, Clean, Trusted. Pence floats above the fray of national politics.
Bernie Sanders is Dr. Bronner’s All One Hemp Peppermint Pure Castile Bar soap. (Was there any question?) Organic, Fair Trade, Socialist, Hippie, been around forever saying the same things, the Peppermint is energizing just like he is to his loyal supporters… and this soap is surprisingly expensive just like Bernie (who has three houses.)
Joe Biden is Grandpa Pine Tar soap..a little bit past his prime and smells of pine tar.
Elizabeth Warren is Purpose soap. Dermatologist tested. Medicated for all. Gentle but strong. A little bit professorial and boring but purposeful. Serious.
Pete Buttigieg is Cetaphil. Funny name. Difficult to pronounce. This high-quality soap is for the younger and/or sensitive crowd to help with skin problems. Once you unwrap the clinical looking box (and Buttigieg has checked all the right boxes leading up to his Presidential bid – Harvard, Rhodes scholar, military service, Mayor etc), the soap is surprisingly good looking. This was unexpected.
Kamala Harris is Camay International Classic. Both are pretty and perhaps use their feminine wiles to get ahead. Fiery red packaging. High quality ingredients. Kamala is very international just like the Camay brand with a Jamaican father and Indian mother.
Andrew Yang is a Zum bar. New on the scene and totally fascinating. Fun. Different. Zum is high quality but also for the people – as it is now available in supermarkets. Yang wants universal basic income and Zum’s advertising campaign features the galaxy. Both have short one syllable names at the very end of the alphabet. Not sure either one is going to become a leading brand of soap.
Tulsi Gabbard is Zest – specifically Aquamarine Advantage. She is full of zest for life and is forthright and strong. She doesn’t seem too picky about fancy soap. She likes to surf and is from Hawaii. Also she was a marine (okay, actually Army National Guard.) Gets the job done.
Mike Bloomberg is Tom Ford soap. This soap is extremely expensive. $41 a bar! Ostentatious. Full of himself. And yet, high quality too. Here is the copy from Tom Ford’s online shop. “Rare. Exotic. Distinctive. One of the most rare, precious, and expensive ingredients in a perfumer’s arsenal is OUD WOOD…Infused with the rare scent of oud wood, this luxurious soap cleanses the skin with an indulgent, creamy lather.”
Cory Booker is Shea Moisture’s Three Butters Utility Soap for men. This soap is an all in one soap for hair, face, and body (i.e. shampoo, shave, and bath.) It is from the famous black-owned company Shea Moisture. This soap is all natural and fair trade and good for you, but it is also kind of messy. Cory is all of these things. He is a workaholic who practices what he preaches. He lives among regular people in a bad section of Newark, NJ. His personal life is sort of a mess. Hopefully he will settle down with his newest girlfriend, actress Rosario Dawson. Not sure why he isn’t more popular.
Tom Steyer is Tom’s of Maine – maybe the “Morning Mint” version because he is worth a MINT. Tom Steyer is a billionaire environmentalist. Not too popular in the polls though. A little bit preachy about climate change.

Democratic presidential candidate and businessman Tom Steyer speaks during the Climate Forum at Georgetown University, Friday, Sept. 20, 2019, in Washington. (AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana) 
Amy Klobucher is Safeguard – in beige. Works hard. A bit boring. Lots of ingredients including chemicals (she has a long resume.) Also, staffers need to be on their guard against her personality according to the NYT.
























